At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
