He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
