why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
