so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
