Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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