Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
