How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
