He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
