dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
