Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
