You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
