The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
