Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize