my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
