My friends, they love my intelligence
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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