brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
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