So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
