Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
