You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
