Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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