Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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