Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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