so that wasnt chicken after all
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
