Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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