Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
