Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Are my feet made of real feet?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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