you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
