she was so not down for the gang bang
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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