So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Rumble strips road head = magical
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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