that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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