apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You took a bar mat shot.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
