So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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