That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
