Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
