My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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