i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
