dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
