whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
