Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
