Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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