i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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