It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just found a bag of teeth...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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