so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I haven't been this sober since birth.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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