The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
