guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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