You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize