On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
