I wish I could punch you in the face.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
