hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
