remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
