Where is the hickey?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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