Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
