did i walk over a car last night?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Boobs speak an international language.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
