some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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