so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize