standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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