i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My breasts were aching with rage.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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