My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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