You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
