ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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