yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
