She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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