best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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