did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
