No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
